We all dream of a lush, green lawn… a lawn with those cool, alternating, diagonal lines like a baseball field… a lawn that is manicured with the precision and accuracy of the eyebrows of that orange guy I saw out at the bar the other night.

If you want a lawn that looks so good that people think Ahmed Hassan or Jason Cameron live in your house, do NOT give the mower to a 4-year-old girl and a 70-year-old man.

You’re welcome.

Real tips.

OK, ok, if you got here thinking there were real tips, we apologize. Here are a few REAL tips.

  • Aerate and Dethatch. Aerating it pulling out plugs to let water and nutrients down into the ground. Dethatching is a process of “raking up” all the dead grass and roots on the surface of the dirt under the grass, like giving your big dog a good brushing. 99% of people will never do it because to do it well you need to rent equipment or be a total stud and buy some tow-behind tools, but it does wonders.
  • Don’t set the blade too low. Yeah we want our lawn to look like a green at a golf course too but that just isn’t natural. You should only be cutting about 1/3 off the top. Well, except for the first cut of the year, when I do a little shorter thinking I’m making it stronger and stimulating it or something. Maybe it’s in my head.
  • Sharpen your blade. Some people will go on and on about professional sharpening. I don’t think you need that. I just pull my blade off the mower (don’t tip it too far when you’re taking off the blade or you’ll spill oil and gas into places you don’t want it), grab my Dremel and go at it. Or of course if you have a grinder on your workbench you can go at it that way, or even by hand with a sharp file. Use common sense and try and keep it kind of even so it stays balanced when spinning at high RPMs under your mower.
  • Alternate mowing patterns. Sometimes go in smaller and smaller circles, sometimes go diagonal, sometimes go in left and right lines. If you go the same way over and over and over all year you’ll wear lines in your grass.

That’s all kids.

OH, one more thing. If your push mower is surging then most likely it’s starving for fuel or air. Grab a tool, pull out the air filter and clean the thing out. I bet that will help. If not then maybe your carb or a gasket is plum wore out, but that’s another post.

Thanks for coming.

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